Save Space

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This is going to be my second Mother’s Day since my husband suddenly left this earth.

My husband, Rob made Mother’s Day very special. Not in the way that some women expect the day to go….with bouquets, diamonds and jewelry. He wanted me to do whatever I needed that day. He encouraged me to go for a long run and take time for myself. Yet, I did the same thing every year! I spent my day with my little family. That’s what I wanted (and to go running uninterrupted).

So, now, after our devastating loss, I am still a mother.
I still have Mother’s Day to celebrate.

Rather than fixating on our devastating loss, I will change my laser focus to the two healthy and beautiful children that I have before my eyes every day. I am grateful for the Mother’s Days that my husband was here. It makes me smile and laugh out loud as I recall some of the gifts and memories of years past. Rob was a keeper! And forever I will nurture and treasure him in my heart and in the hearts of our children.

I don’t want to live a sad life.

The past 20 months have been hell. That said, I have a perspective on life that few people have. The kids and I love the small moments, laugh at the silliest things, thank God for our incredible support network of family and friends. We have so many blessings in our lives that we can’t count them any longer!

On Mother’s Day I will have the lump in my throat and emptiness in my heart. I will also have Sean and Bridie who love me and depend on me every moment of the day. We are loved and supported. I will do my very best to focus on the beauty that is before me. I will try my best.

On Mother’s Day, I will wake up, think about him, offer my sadness and pain to the universe and find things throughout the day to laugh about. We all need to laugh. My advice to my sweet widow friends, save space in your hearts to laugh and find one small moment to be thankful for.


 

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7 thoughts on “Save Space

  1. Thank you for saying aloud so much of what I’ve been feeling and wading through myself as Mother’s Day 2015 approaches. Like you, this is my second Mother’s Day since my husband’s death and it’s also been twenty months for us. Though when the second year began I promised myself I wasn’t going to count the months because I needed the twenty-sixth to just be another day on the calendar again. We are holding each other close, laughing, being silly, giving thanks and choosing joy, but we miss him. Our children, two boys ages fifteen and eleven now, are the best of both of us. Mike was just 43 when he died after a two year cancer fight. I am so thankful for Michelle’s One Fit Widow community that offers encouragement and a place to just plainly say it among people who truly understand.

  2. This Is my 2nd Mother’s Day without him as well. Sadly we never celebrated my first one as a mom together either. He passed away 6 months after we welcomed our baby girl into the world. So, I have only thoughts of how special he would have made since he treasured me so much. He was a keeper too! Tomorrow, I get to celebrate how being a mom is so special, and I know he will be celebrating with me. Thanks for your upbeat post!!!

  3. My favorite line and the one that rings the truest for me “I don’t want to live a sad life.” So very true. My kids are older and I now have grandchildren who my husband never met. I choose to celebrate Mothers Day surrounded by my husband’s family, as we have done for years. I had to count on my fingers because I stopped counting months…21 months for me. August will never be the same, but at the same time, I must go on.

  4. Also my second Mother’s day without my Rob. It’s so ‘easy’ to slide into the dark spaces of depression. Thank you for your hopeful message.

  5. It has been one hell of a life after my husband died. That was almost 4 years ago. I had secluded my life for three years! I grieved so much for him, really much. I had to continue my life as a mother and as a teacher. At the end of the day, after all people left, I am still alone, so alone that until now, I always cry. I tried to find solace in some courtships. I tried to be friendly with some of them but I am always going back to the thoughts of my loving and caring husband. Why is pain so distressing? I had often asked the Lord why did He did this to me. I had wished that we be together until the end. How ironic life really is. I am teaching that we should be strong but at the end, I became the weakest. If there will be a cure to this then I would certainly buy it to lessen its hurt.

  6. I wish I had chosen to visit the site and read this post before Mother’s Day this year…this was my 2nd one without my Phil. Like your Rob, my late husband always made it special. I was doubtful my young kids could pull something office he did…but they did!! A special breakfast they prepared and served me, complete with fresh cut flowers from our yard. I’ve thought this day would forever by painful and one to endure and just survive, not enjoy. Your post has changed my mind. Thank you

  7. This was my first Mother’s Day and Father’s Day without Daddy. I try to focus on positive … I am blessed with b/g twins. Both holidays I managed a cook-out for three on my deck, deeply wishing it were a party for 4.
    I certainly understand ” I don’t want to be sad, phrase…..
    Nice to read these posts, I feel reassured knowing I am not alone.
    maybe the next cook-out my food will even taste good.

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